In a conversation about whether or not women should have secret lovers outside their marriages on RX radio, The Fatboy Show presenter Olive Najjuma has warned married women that such is only a recipe for disaster.
“As a woman, I’d advise a married woman not to have a panadol, because much as society has normalized men having extra marital affairs and secret marriages, when a man finds out that you cheated and have a secret lover, in most cases you're the loser, he’s going to leave you and you're going to be branded names.” she said.
“No one has ever called a man a hoe for stepping out on his wife or having children out of wedlock. But dare do it as a woman, you're going to be branded. So are you ready for the consequences of your extra marital affairs? She asked.
The conversation was stirred by Diana Makokha, The Nairobian journalist specializing in dating and relationships, who in one of her op-eds wrote, “we have normalized men having extra marital affairs and even secret but official marriages. Any man who doesn't have a mpango wa kando (sidechick) in the present day is a questionable man.”
“Some don't hide it anymore and those other women are well known to their peers, boys, clubs and their families. It is referred to as being a real man. Also, it is said, all men are polygamous by nature. Have we ever imagined that wives also have secret affairs?”
“Do you know your wife, the mother of your 5 bundles of joy, may have a secret lover and you might never find out? It's normally joked that a thief fears to be stolen from but the truth is that any married woman is capable of having an extra marital affair and be a pro at it.”
Commenting on her insights, James Onen alias Fatboy, The Fatboy Show Co-host confessed to having been a panadol to an engaged woman and named it a “very dangerous trap” that may never want a man out of that zone which is the opposite for women.
Olive, curious, asked Fatboy why. He spilled that as a side lover, “a man pays a very low price and gets so much. According to Fatboy, in a marriage a man will have to do a lot to please their woman because the feelings and sparks have most probably faded 3-4 years down the road.
This makes him plead and have to invest in a lot of effort to even get intimate or any affection from her yet the side lover will just come in, do nothing and achieve everything from the woman.
“Because there’s no woman more sexually exciting than one who feels repressed, so if she has been in that boring marriage or relationship for a couple of years, if you’re the guy that comes in at that right time and can just reignite her fire with a few random flirtatious texts and compliments, she will have the kind of sex with you, her husband can only dream of,” he assured.
Olive in response reasoned that the same dynamics are true for a cheating man who will provide more materialistic gifts and attention to a side chic than he will to his wife. However, she maintained that cheating for married women is a slippery slope that if they must, what they also stand to lose should be put into consideration.
The Fatboy show is hosted by James Onen aka Fatboy, Olive and Sarah every weekday from 6am to 10am on RX Radio.